Thursday, December 27, 2018

2018 Year in Review

Looking back, I'm actively trying to decide if 2018 was a good year for me. Because I'm constantly setting goals (daily, weekly, summer, yearly, etc.), checking my goal progress is a great way to gauge to what degree I achieved what I set out to this year. Of course, I accomplished or experienced a lot of things that I didn't especially set out to do this year as well and a lot of those experiences were incredibly fulfilling. In short, here's here's a list of some things I did this year:
  • Got a job as a substitute teacher, tutor, and eventually a full-time high school math teacher. Working as a high school math teacher has been my dream for about 6 years now and I'm really glad I was finally able to get to this point. Also in tutoring, I learned everything there is to possibly know about taking the ACT and getting kids ready to take it.
  • Ran my first marathon since my December 2016 ACL reconstruction. This is a big deal to me. Besides the ACL repair about 2 years ago, they also took out a majority of my medial meniscus in my right knee, which means the cushioning and shock absorption in my right knee will be hindered for the rest of my life. On average, full ACL surgery recovery and strengthening can take about 24 months. I started training for a marathon around 18 months post-surgery. I was really happy to be able to run a marathon again and not have my knee prevent me from doing it. In fact, my left knee was the sore one at the end of the day, which is interesting.
Top of Utah Marathon (September 2018)
  • Became a cross country and girl's basketball coach. Quite honestly, I hardly felt qualified to coach high school athletes in something I'd never coached or even experienced as an athlete before, but here I am. With no advice or training or assistant coaches, I just started showing up to cross country practice one day in the summer and pretended like I knew what I was doing. Boy, did I learn a LOT this year about these sports, about myself, and about my kids from my experience coaching. Coaching also took up an insane amount of my free time, for what it's worth, but I was happy to have the experience.
Cross country team in Moab, UT (September 2018)
  • Started this blog for real. It existed before this year, but 2018 is where I really got it on track to be a good medium for me to express myself in writing. Honestly, I don't post on it a ton--most weeks of teaching, I feel like I hardly have time to write save for a weekend or when we're on break from school. But the writing I have had time to do has been really fulfilling.
  • Travelled to New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Louisiana for the first time. New Orleans is an incredibly fascinating and unique city (to say the least), Gettysburg is a inspiring place, and I learned the people in New Jersey on average just aren't very attractive. But seeing Streetlight Manifesto play in their hometown of Toms River, NJ in front of a huge crowd was a ton of fun.  I also managed to find my way to an Aquabats concert in LA, Arches National Park in southern Utah, the Pac-12 Championship in San Francisco, and the Holiday Bowl in San Diego to watch the Utes play.
As you can see, I was very excited to see the Liberty Bell in person (May 2018)
  • Received my diploma and walked at graduation. It's nice for it to finally be official and to finally have the diploma in my hands--I got a Bachelor's degree in mathematics with a minor in physics. It's pretty official now, or whatever, as you can see from my sister's snapchat below.
Diploma day (May 2018)
  • Bought my first car, outright and on my own. It's a crappy 1997 Jeep Grand Cherokee, but it runs. I can't remember exactly how the conversation went, but my sister and I decided to name it "The Burgermobile" despite it not even somewhat resembling a sandwich. I also moved out of my parents house for the first time since 2015, for what it's worth, since I guess that's what adults do these days.
  • A few things I didn't set out to do but ended up happening: I got really good at Rocket League, watched a lot of Trailer Park Boys, played a lot of Pokemon Go (including finally finishing off my original 150 Pokedex), went to the arcade with friends like 20 times, practiced skateboarding and learned to ollie consistently while riding on pavement, and participated in two 24-hour gaming parties. One of them was a charity event organized by my cousin and we managed to raise a decent amount of money to donate to some sort of mental health organization I can't remember (I was there for the video games, okay???).
  • Went on an awesome 9-day Disney World/Universal Studios trip in Florida with my siblings and shot a fun travel video.
The fam in front of the Tree of Life inside Animal Kingdom (March 2018)
  • Went Skydiving! It took some trickery to get all my friends there at the same time and I had to plan the trip way out to Tooele for us all since nobody else would do it, but it was worth it. And the actual experience of jumping out of a plane itself? It was nuts--and really hard to put into words. Maybe I'll write about it sometime.
Skydiving with the crew (August 2018)
  • Kept up yearly traditions with my friends including St. Patrick's Day, Tanksgiving, Summer goals, the dart board game, and a fantasy football banquet. In thinking about it, my friends and I actually have quite a few yearly traditions and we really did do a good job keeping them up this year. In addition, I also had a great birthday involving just a game of baseball with my friends and family--which became one of my favorite birthday memories to date.
Birthday Baseball game with family and friends. I didn't even strike out! (September 2018)

  • Started a mediocre podcast with my best friend Dakota. I think a handful of people actually enjoyed listening to it, but more than anything, we had a ton of fun making it. We really love talking about ourselves and answering questions, as it turns out.
All those things considered, I think I'd call 2018 eventful if not successful. Overall I'd give it a 4/5 stars
⭐⭐⭐⭐⚬

But now looking forward instead, I think it's time to start thinking of what kinds of things I expect to accomplish in 2019. Here's my brainstorming list, though I'm sure the year won't go exactly as I planned:
  1.  I've got a life goal to teach abroad sometime. At this young age and early in my career, now would be a great time to start looking into that. If nothing else, I expect to travel out of the country for the first time this upcoming year.
  2. Travel to a new state. 31 down, 19 to go!
  3. I need to read more books. I honestly love reading, but rarely feel like I have the time.
  4. Cut back on all social media and go outside more. Consider getting rid of my smartphone altogether.
  5. Practice/learn guitar.
  6. Write/start writing a book.
  7. Shift weight training and distance running training to instead focus on triathlon training.
  8. Run across the state of Utah. By my estimate, this should take about 60 days to complete.
There's so many things I want to do and a year is so little time to do it. There's certainly more I'd like to accomplish in a year, but what with sleeping 8 hours a day and working 40+ hours a week and all the other hobbies I pursue, these 8 things are a pretty reasonable set of self improvements to focus on. Like, reading a book a month is so easy. But reading a book a month when you're training for a marathon, working overtime, keeping up a writing blog, and coaching girls basketball for 2 hours a day while learning the guitar and balancing a dating life plus trying to find time for yourself to relax? That's the real reason why I'm pretty content with the progress I made in 2018. I feel like I worked incredibly hard consistently every single month of the year and I was always pursuing some sort of improvement every day. It wasn't perfect, but if I keep improving like I did in 2018, I think I'll continue to be happy.

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

7 Songs You Probably Haven't Heard Before That I'll Totally Vouch For

I'll try to keep the suggestions obscure, illustrative, and brief. If you're looking for good, new music, you might like getting into some of these bands; others on the list might be total a dead-ends. But here's some songs by local and/or lesser known artists that I'll totally vouch for:

1. The Heirs - "What You Want" (2016, Electro-pop)



In 2016, my brother and I drove up to Boise, Idaho in his janky car just to complete our summer goal to go to Warped Tour (since we missed the Salt Lake City stop of the tour). While we were in line to get into the show, a poster for The Heirs caught my eye and I kinda liked the way it looked. "You know what? If there's literally no other band I want to see when they're on the stage, maybe I'll stop by." As you might have guessed, there was no other good bands playing during that random afternoon slot, so we stopped by to see them.

In short, they were not that good. They came across as one of those local bands who was just grateful to be given a shot to play at Warped Tour--which is probably because they were a local band who was just grateful to be given a shot to play at Warped Tour. After standing through a mostly-dull lineup, right at the end of their set The Heirs floored me with this electro-pop anthem. I won't speak too much to describing the sound of the song; I'll let you experience it yourself. But you can imagine how good this might have sounded in context. Not to mention, "What You Want" still only has 7,000 views on YouTube (half of them are probably me) and this song isn't even playable on Spotify. Talk about a hipster song to add to your repertoire.


2. Tarot Death Card - "Tell Me When It Hurts" (2017, Indietronica Trip Pop)



I actually have no idea how I found this song. But the story, I suppose, begins with the girl I had a crush on back in 7th grade named Chloe. She was a tall, gorgeous, red-headed 8th grader on the volleyball team and I was a weird band kid who sometimes wore a cape to school, sold gum balls to kids at lunch for a nickel, and filmed goofy videos with friends. Needless to say, it didn't work out. But! My then-crush went on to start Tarot Death Card--and now they've got about half a dozen songs on Spotify. I don't know if they're still progressing as a band or not, but I still think they're worth talking about just because of this song.

I'll admit, their trip pop style isn't really the kind of stuff I normally listen to, and when I was checking them out, I wasn't sure I really liked them--until I heard "Tell Me When It Hurts." Chloe's vocals finally pop to the front of the track (where they probably belong) and her vocal/lyric performance carries the song as a whole. Something about the slow, melodic vocals draws me in like a siren song--the vocal track on "Tell Me When It Hurts" is completely captivating and entrancing. It's got less than a thousand plays on Spotify, but I might single-handedly get it to that mark someday with how often it pops up on random on my playlists.


3. Ozma - "Restart" (2003, Indie Pop/Alt Rock)



Something about this song I absolutely adore. Startlingly, it starts by describing a fairly depressing situation of a man stuck in a cubicle all day who has an intrusive thought of throwing himself off the roof one day during work, but he decides the better of it. He then moves on from it and muses over life and love in a relatable but confounding manner. But the real reason I love this song so much is absolutely the melody. I can't really describe how, but it speaks to my soul. I love every bit of sound Ozma recorded on this track, with a particular soft spot for the organ part, background guitar, and chorus vocals. These guys really should have gotten so much bigger than they ever did.


4. Tally Hall Feat. Casey Shea - "Club Can't Handle Me (cover)" (2011, Indie Pop/Alt Rock)



Let's be real, Tally Hall had no business covering this song--which is what makes it so good. They're a tiny band I wish still existed who (optimistically speaking) made a living off recording goofy songs and filming a goofy internet show.  On the other hand, Flo Rida was one of the hottest "artists" of my high school career (2008-2010) and the original "Club Can't Handle Me" was a chart-topping, million-dollar banger back in 2010. But, the original song is a steaming pile of shit, whereas Tally Hall's ironic cover featuring random tour buddy Casey Shea is every bit of fun the original song, by nature, could not have been. In the breakdown, they even talk about showing the recording to Flo Rida himself (I imagine this was fabricated, but who knows) and he totally hated their new cover. I suggest giving it a whirl, obviously.


5. Five Iron Frenzy - "Wizard Needs Food, Badly" (2003, Ska)



For any ska band that isn't The Aquabats, Streetlight Manifesto, Reel Big Fish, or Suburban Legends, there's a decent chance I discovered them by some sort of random autoplay feature online (YouTube, Spotify, Pandora, etc). Because I listen to a decent amount of music online, if that wasn't obvious. Now I don't recall which autoplay introduced me to this strangely hit and miss Christian ska band, Five Iron Frenzy, but I'm glad it did.

At that, "Wizard Needs Food, Badly" is one of their momentous hits. On more than one occasion I've had this tune stuck in my head all day and was disappointed to find it isn't even on Spotify. But besides the Gauntlet gimmick the song is based on and the muted horns that interestingly round out a great overall melody, the reason this song works, in my mind, is because of the lyrical theme. The song is basically about having girlfriend troubles on account of being a big nerd; he likes video games, TV, baseball, and motorcycles--and she's not having ant part of it ("You say 'tomato,' I say 'video games'"). It's hard to say who's at fault here since he seems to love his hobbies too much and she just hates everything he does, but I love the concept. I imagine that relationship didn't last too much longer, but I'm glad this song made it out alive. Oh, and if you like their ska sound, I highly recommend their cover of It's Not Unusual or one of their two originals Far, Far Away (which is very Christian) or Oh, Canada (which is very Canadian). As I said, they're really hit and miss. You're probably not gonna find a solid album by these guys, but they definitely hit gold with their sound here and there.


6. Limbeck - "Honk+Wave" (2003, Alt Rock)



Okay, I know nothing about this band. But I do know that whenever I listen to "Honk+Wave" it puts me in an introspective, reflective mood despite the generally upbeat sound. The song is about a guy, probably from California (you can tell he's not from Utah because he calls I-15 'the 15'), who gets his heart broken by a girl from Utah. The lyrics are essentially that guy thinking out loud, trying to figure out what he wants out of his old breakup--he's not ready to totally burn the bridge because they were so close and they were in love once. He doesn't necessarily want anything from her now, but it's been 4 years and he still isn't totally over her. His thought? "Hey, it'd be nice if ever we passed each other on I-15 that we could at least honk and wave at each other." I've thought about this myself in a different way--I'm not on excellent terms with all my ex's, but every single one of them I loved in some way in the past. At minimum, I'd hope if I saw them one day at the grocery store, we'd at least stop and talk to catch up and have it not be awkward, rather than pretend we didn't see each other (which I do to 80% of the people I went to high school with). Man, this song can get you thinking.


7. The Pietasters - "Can I Change My Mind" (1995, Ska)



For my last song, I was having a tough time deciding between "Can I Change My Mind" and another Pietasters hit, Out All Night, which is much more popular. In fact, despite The Pietasters being an incredibly underrated ska band, "Out All Night" has nearly 1.7 million plays on Spotify (about 7 times more than their next most played song), probably because it was a standout from the 2006 NCAA Football PS2 soundtrack. Honestly, "Can I Change My Mind" isn't the better song of the two, but I still enjoy it immensely and for an entirely different reasons than why I like "Out All Night."

Although "Can I Change My Mind" is great if you're looking for a song that you can identify with after leaving a girl who didn't even seem to care you were leaving (who hasn't done that, right?), the lyrics aren't what I find most appealing about this song (unlike most of the other songs on this list). Instead, I find the instrumentation to be more compelling than anything. I really love the beautiful organ intro, the chill/optimistic reggae backbeat, the short yet infectiously perfect piano riff, the horn solos... It might not be your jam if you have something against reggae or ska, but it definitely vibes with me.



Honorable Mentions

If you're looking for more suggestions that fit this same kind of musical niche:
-"Mixtapes" by The Nonce (Hip Hop, 1994)
-"Down by da Beach, Boieee!!" by Super Hero (Ska, 2016)
-"Waiting for the Sunset" by The Planet Smashers (Ska, 2014)
-"It's a Wonderful Life" by BOTAR (Classical/Acoustic + Ska, 2001)
-"Waterslide" by The Bonedaddys (Party Chill Rock, 2007)
-"Shoot out the Lights" by Mad Caddies (Reggae, 2014)

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Struggle and Strive

We're so hard pressed,
Deciding between the comfort of a simple, borderline conformative life
And our doing that one great, difficult, rewarding thing
That's been on our to-do lists
And in the back of our minds for years.

On a particularly illuminate night,
In just a moment, pride bursts from our chest--
We are unstoppable
We will achieve
And the world is ours for the taking.
The goal is set
And the goal will be achieved.

But
Often just one sleep cycle later,
The inspiration--
It's all gone!
Not just missing.
But evaporated completely.
Forgotten.

After the motivation of late night thought
That allowed our hopes and dreams
To be carried to beautiful completion
Within our mind's eye,
Carefully and wondrously --
Something in a more shallow part of our brain changes
And so-called reality crashes in.

With the awaking of a sunlit bedroom,
This "change" smashes down the walls to our dreams
Reminding us that, yes, we may have entirely figured out life last night,
But today is back to our responsibilities
And more importantly, the grind.
"Complete your routine," your auto-pilot morning brain says:
Brush your teeth, drive your car,
Go to work.
Use all your energy to progress some cause or business or person
You otherwise wouldn't be concerned with
If currency had forgotten to be invented.

And when you get home,
Relax.
Don't look to seize the world and all that it owes you,
Because you've got work early in the morning!
Stay in and get to bed.
Then take that morning routine of yours
And rinse and repeat.
Every day.
That's the most important part.
Every. Day.

Sometime, a few weeks from now,
Probably on some reflective Sunday night,
We'll once again find that manic inspiration.
The motivation,
The deep feeling of hope.
It's finally back--
And this time
It's different.

Except, but...
It isn't.
We somehow lose it,
Again. And again.
As our nighttime dreams strip the emotion and excitement from our bones
And offer instead
The disappointment of waking up bleary eyed
To some work we'd rather not do.

The downside of this so-called Struggle
Seizes the desire of our hearts
And carefully, almost thoughtfully, takes it hostage.
It doesn't smash it--
No.
If it smashed it, we'd be too inspired to take up arms against an obvious destroyer
Of hopes and dreams and goodness.
Insistent mediocrity has no room for that kind of spark, that kind of passion,
That kind of motivation, that kind of action,
Does it?
Because would it really stand a chance against our true full force?
Our fury? Our potential?

No, rather than provoke us to action with a clear destruction of hope,
The Struggle forgetfully derails our desire,
Clouds our vision,
And slowly peels back our passion
Piece by piece
Like a surprisingly capable drunk Jenga player
That forgets to put the removed piece back on top of the tower--
Never building,
Slowly taking away,
Dismantling our excited, determined mania
Until our tower seems so janky
That we don't even MIND that it topples over,
Because what good is a hole-filled tower to anyone anyways?

So how do we stop the cycle?
How do we hold on to the hope of greatness and goals
And stop the central demotivating sector of our brain
From preventing our achievement?

Well damn.
I've got some theories, but...

Hell if I know.

The Eye in the Sky

I can't wait to shake God's hand,
Not in submission
Nor as a son--but a friend.

Friday, August 3, 2018

Life Goals

My life goals are now separated into three categories:
1. Things I'd like to accomplish (life goals)
2. Things I'd like to experience (bucket list items)
3. Things I like to see (traveling).

(65 of 108 total complete)

Life goals (13 of 28 complete):

  1. Graduate from high school (2010) ☑
  2. Get a 4.0 GPA at least once (2009) ☑
  3. Serve a mission (Washington DC South, February 2012-2014) ☑
  4. Run a marathon (4:29:03, 04/16/2011) ☑
  5. Earn a college degree (University of Utah 2017 BS Mathematics, Physics minor) ☑
  6. Start my own business (Trading Cards) ☑
  7. Road trip across America ☑
  8. Raise a puppy ☑
  9. Be the best math teacher ever a good math teacher ☑
  10. Learn to play guitar (minimally-- still a lot of improving to do) ☑
  11. Be the best man at a wedding ☑
  12. Run a Ragnar relay ☑
  13. Write and publish a book ☑
  14. Visit every MLB stadium (20 of 30) ☐
  15. Get a master's degree ☐
  16. Run a 5:59 mile (current PR 6:05) ☐
  17. Volunteer/teach abroad ☐
  18. Make a list of classic and/or important books and then read them all 
  19. Read an entire dictionary and make a list of all the words I don't know ☐
  20. Write a feature length screenplay ☐
  21. Write and record a song ☐
  22. Land a kickflip ☐
  23. Learn a second language ☐
  24. Run for a public office ☐
  25. Start a family ☐
  26. Start a charity ☐
  27. Bike across America ☐
  28. Run across the state of Utah ☐

Bucket List (25 of 41 complete):

  1. Play video games for 24-hours straight ☑
  2. Eat a Philly cheese steak in Philly ☑
  3. Score a touchdown, hit a home run ☑
  4. Do street art ☑
  5. Watch the sun set over the Pacific Ocean and rise over the Atlantic Ocean ☑
  6. Ice skate at the Rockefeller Center ice rink ☑
  7. Watch a solar eclipse ☑
  8. Play for the World Cup of quidditch ☑
  9. Learn to ride (and maybe crash) a motorcycle ☑
  10. Go skydiving ☑
  11. Do a polar plunge ☑
  12. Take the Staten Island Ferry ☑
  13. Run a naked mile ☑
  14. Bench Press 250 Pounds (all-time one rep max: 340) ☑
  15. Bike through central park ☑
  16. Kiss the Blarney Stone ☑
  17. Try the Gallon Challenge ☑
  18. Ride in a riverboat on the Thames ☑
  19. See a play in the Globe Theater ☑
  20. Get a hole in one (3 times, in disc golf) ☑
  21. Egg someone (who deserves it) ☑
  22. See the hot air balloon festival (NM) ☑
  23. Go to a football game at the Cowboy's Stadium ☑
  24. Climb King's Peak ☑
  25. Attend a show on Broadway ☑
  26. Go bungee jumping ☐
  27. Attend the FIFA World Cup ☐
  28. Go to a game of the World Series ☐
  29. Go snowboarding and surfing ☐
  30. Fly in a hot air balloon, fly in a helicopter, and ride a horse ☐
  31. Go on a cruise ☐
  32. Run with the bulls in Spain ☐
  33. Climb Mt. Fuji ☐
  34. Climb Mt. Kilimanjaro ☐
  35. Hike the Incan Trail ☐
  36. See the Great Migration in the Serengeti ☐
  37. See a baseball game at Yankee Stadium, Wrigley Field, and Fenway Park (2 out of 3) ☐
  38. Get in a fight ☐
  39. Get arrested ☐
  40. Start a band ☐
  41. Run either the London, the Boston, New York, or the Chicago marathon ☐
  42. Complete my Utah Bucket List

Travel (27 of 40 complete):

  1. Visit every continent (2 of 7) ☐
  2. Visit all 50 states (42 of 50) ☐
  3. Visit/see domestic (15 of 16) 
    • The Statue of Liberty
    • The Space Needle
    • Mt. Rushmore
    • Yellowstone National Park
    • Golden Gate Bridge
    • Zion's National Park
    • Arches National Park
    • The Grand Canyon
    • The National Mall
    • The Gateway Arch
    • Monticello
    • Niagara Falls
    • Plymouth Rock
    • The Boston Harbor
    • Monument Valley
    • Yosemite National Park
  4. Visit/see abroad (12 of 22)
    • Buckingham Palace
    • Stonehenge
    • The Colosseum
    • The Sistine Chapel
    • Leaning Tower of Pisa
    • Pompeii
    • The Matterhorn
    • The Eiffel Tower
    • The canals of Venice
    • The Catacombs of France
    • Notre-Dame Cathedral
    • The Louvre
    • The Great Pyramids of Giza
    • The Berlin Wall
    • The Sydney Opera House
    • Machu Picchu
    • Taj Mahal
    • Chichen Itza
    • The Great Barrier Reef
    • The Great Wall of China
    • The Auschwitz Memorial
    • Northern Lights

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

A Current List of Books I'll Read Someday

Books on my list I've already read:
  1.  The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain ☑
  2. The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien ☑
  3. Slaughterhouse-Five and Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut ☑
  4. 1984 and Animal Farm by George Orwell ☑
  5. Treasure Island and Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson ☑
  6. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee ☑
  7. Lord of the Flies by William Golding ☑
  8. Great Expectations by Charles Dickens ☑
  9. The Odyssey and The Iliad by Homer ☑
  10. Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway ☑
  11. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck ☑
  12. The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger ☑ 
  13. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald ☑
  14. Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury ☑
  15. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley ☑
  16. Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl ☑
  17. Life of Pi by Yann Martel ☑
  18. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams ☑
  19. Ender's Game and Ender's Shadow by Orson Scott Card ☑
  20. The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins ☑
  21. The Harry Potter series by J. K. Rowling ☑
  22. Ready Player One by Ernest Cline ☑
  23. The New Testament ☑
  24. The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne ☑
  25. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley ☑
  26. Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson ☑
Books to read:
  1. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury ☐
  2. A Farewell to Arms and For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway ☐
  3. Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer ☐
  4. The Lord of the Rings series by J.R.R. Tolkien ☐ 
  5. Grapes of Wrath and East of Eden by John Steinbeck ☐
  6. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller ☐
  7. The Invisible Man by H. G. Wells ☐
  8. Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote ☐
  9. The Jungle by Upton Sinclair ☐
  10. Dracula by Bram Stoker ☐
  11. Paradise Lost by John Milton ☐
  12. Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift ☐
  13. 20,000 Leagues under the sea and Around the world in 80 days by Jules Verne
  14. Ulysses by James Joyce ☐
  15. The Complete works of Shakespeare
  16. Moby Dick by Herman Melville
  17. Tale of Two Cities and Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens ☐

Sunday, July 15, 2018

A Indefinitive Ranking of All 8 Harry Potter Movies

A ranking of a group of films (or anything, really) based on personal taste should rarely stated as fact or to be unobjectionable. There’s so many things to like, and some to dislike, about each of the 8 Harry Potter films Warner Brothers put out during the 2001-2011 decade. Which movie you like best probably comes down to, in my opinion, your personal prioritization of the different positive elements of what to you makes a movie worth watching. In this article, I’ll be critical of pretty much all the films, even my more favorite ones. But perhaps more excitingly, I'll rank them all from best to worst as I see them.


8. Harry Potter 7.1 - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1 (2010)


Nowhere is safe--not even our memories of how good Book 7 was just because it had an epic ending.

This is the only movie I have anything really bad to say about as a whole, but it's still not a bad film.

First, what’s most obviously wrong with Deathly Hallows part 1? It drags. So. Hard. Like a 10-year-old’s feet on their way to 9 AM church on a Sunday morning.

The movie does start out exciting enough, however, with a reintroduction to all our favorite characters and a scene where half of them turn into Harry via polyjuice potion (I bet Daniel Radcliffe had fun shooting that one). Next, the movie jumps to an intense chase scene and a rare fight between our main antagonist and protagonist--and all of this is within the first 10 minutes. Two beloved characters die and a few more get bloodied up before the opening act is over.

But that’s mostly all we get from the first-parter--besides some awkward Harry-Ginny chemistry, a whole lot of camping, and a memorably cute-but-awkward Harry-Hermione dance scene.

To be fair, this movie is about as good as it should be. It feels like half a movie and a setup for more important things--because it is half a movie and a setup for more important things. Even apart from that, though, a huge downer for me was how unabashedly unfunny 7.1 is compared to the first 6 movies. Again, to be fair, the movies get much more serious later in the series--but this is coming off a Half-Blood Prince film that I consider to be the funniest film of the bunch. To their credit, I guess maybe they didn’t have time in their 146 minutes of turning half a book into a film to include a joke or two and break up the monotony?

But here I’ll give the film a little more credit: the animated introduction to the Peverell/Deathly Hallows storyline was captivating, and Dobby's death scene was strangely beautiful--although I’m still pretty mad at movie Hermione for not even trying to save his life. 

Other than that, all that happened in 2+ hours besides camping and drama was that Harry got a horcrux from Umbridge, they randomly found a sword in a lake, and they used said sword to stab said horcrux. Talk about slow.


7. Harry Potter 2 - Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)


Does he really have Lily's eyes, though??? 

The conclusion of Chamber of Secrets marked the end of the first short wave of the Harry Potter films. Aside from being the last movie directed by renowned child film director Chris Columbus, with the rolling credits of #2 also came the end of the brightly lit, childlike wonder of charming kid movies. After this, our kid actors start to really grow up and the movies take a much darker turn.

A lot of the good things about Chamber of Secrets it shares with its predecessor, Sorcerer’s Stone. It’s essentially a slightly darker continuation of the magical discovery of the first movie. This movie is basically a bunch of kids running around a magical castle for all of fall, winter, and spring (always with special emphasis on changing seasons) until the end of the year where they inevitably fall down into a deep dungeon in the castle--to confront another shockingly deadly threat inside the place which is, remarkably, supposed to be the safest place on earth.

Chamber of Secrets, if nothing else, does a fantastic job of following the books--and it’s the last movie that really tried to. This is great for the hardcore fans; it leaves us little to complain about. But in general, the story as it is written and especially the pacing of the book don’t translate well to movie. Essentially, Chamber of Secrets proved that, as frustrating as it may be to the fans, the script should occasionally diverge from the source material to make a more coherent and more broadly appealing movie.

And that’s where Chamber of Secrets falls a little short. Although based on the second shortest book, it’s the longest film of the franchise, packed with every detail possible from the source material. Pair that with the fact that the lead child actors still aren’t all that talented or interesting yet, and you’ve got a strong argument for #2 being one of the less fantastic HP movies. But with all that being said, Chamber of Secrets is still a lot of fun for the more die-hard fans.


6. Harry Potter 3 - Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)


Apparently you’re required to scream in your Azkaban mugshot.

The third movie is where everything changed--some for the better and some for the worse. As I’ve said before, the movies intentionally get more serious and the subject matter gets darker as they go on (more murdering and dark magic and soul-splitting). But I’ve just never been a fan of the dark tonal shift in the movies, which unmistakably happened with Prisoner of Azkaban. For me, it contradicts the luminous, playful adventure narrative I had always pictured in my mind growing up while reading the books. Plus, some of the creative liberties in Azkaban felt pretty sharp after sitting through the first two book-abiding movies (I’m looking at you, weird-ass Knight Bus scene).

Prisoner of Azkaban also saw the series’ first directorial change--and the contrast could not be more clear. Aside from the extreme lighting change, director Alfonso Cuarón decisively put cinematography and creative storytelling in the driver's seat for the third movie. The shots are so much more beautiful than we had seen so far in the first two films. Our longstanding mental picture of the Hogwarts castle exterior was unmistakably painted by Cuarón and his carefully crafted shots in the third movie.

In a lot of ways, you have to give this movie credit. It’s the most beautifully shot film of the series by far. It defined the rest of the series in terms of lighting and mood--and we finally got to see Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson start to own their characters. It tackled the problem and defined the solution for the increasingly important question that could have potentially plagued the latter half of the series: “hey, how are we going to fit everything from these increasingly lengthy and complicated books into just a few hours?” The answer was essentially: "We’re not." Instead, they started to just throw out everything that doesn't directly affect Harry while packing in as much magical worldbuilding as they could along the way.

It also would have been so easy for Alfonso Cuarón to butcher the time travelling ending. But he didn’t. Not only did he prep us for it with a well-crafted clock motif throughout the movie with several inspired/impossible through-the-clock camera movements, but he took a lengthy and complicated ending, wrapped it up beautifully, and put a satisfying, mostly-paradox-avoiding bow on it for us.

As I’ve said, from a film making perspective, this movie shines. Ratings-wise, it’s easily one of the best movies in the series. But I’ll forever have a slight personal grudge against this movie for darkening the series and for being a little bit more weird than it had any right to be. In essence: Series defining, beautiful, and important, but one of my less favorite to actually sit down and watch.


5. Harry Potter 1 - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001)


Wait...Who was the philosopher? And what did he have to do with any of this?

Similar to Azkaban, you have to give this film a lot of credit for what it did. An outlandish portion of book-adapted movies aren’t just bad--it's not unusual for them to be god-awful.

This movie kicked off the visual Harry Potter universe that eventually exploded into a multi-billion dollar enterprise. Yes, the books were already immensely popular. But it would have been so easy for the books to wrap up, the movies to flop, and for this whole Harry Potter thing to fade into the background by the early 2000’s. Instead, we’re still talking about (and writing articles on) a fantasy book series that finished being published over a decade ago. There’s still thousands of nerds around the globe running around playing quidditch with a broom between their legs. We’re still travelling to Universal Studios in Orlando and LA just to experience the world of Harry Potter for ourselves--where they can sell cream soda with butterscotch foam for $6 a cup and people will wait in line for 7 hours to escape from a fictional bank on a roller-coaster track. Point being, Harry Potter is somehow still globally and unarguably part of the current human experience, largely as a result of the successful films.

So how did this all begin? Moving past how basic it sounds, Sorcerer’s Stone really was nothing short of magical. Something about the child actors, despite their inexperience, was endearing. The castle, the kids, the seasons, the flying, the magic, the SOUNDTRACK--every piece of visual worldbuilding this movie created is charming. They shamelessly flaunted their ability to make a great, well-paced stand-alone movie while sticking to the book enough to not disappoint fans--even with one of JK Rowling’s less inspired ideas as to what potentially deadly events would unfold at Hogwarts in a given school year.

All of these elements coming together and actually working made this film important and impressive. In hindsight, we can now take for granted that the movies are well made and entertaining. But this wasn’t quite as obvious before the movies were made and the films weren’t necessarily destined for certain success. Instead, the filmmakers earned the success with producing charming acting and cast choices, an incredible set, and competent writing.

But the even better news is that the movies, generally, continued to improve after the first film and the series became even more entertaining as time went on. Naturally, the original movie deserves a significant amount of credit for getting the franchise started and heading in the right direction.


4. Harry Potter 6 - Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)


Guess who the Half-Blood Prince is.

As a fan of the books, watching book number 6 come to life on the big screen was bittersweet. We all knew this would be our last experience with the traditional "Harry Potter and His Adventurous Mishaps in Wizarding School" plot formula, and we knew it would also bring the death of our favorite old wizard, Albus Dumbledore.

But even with these emotional expectations to rise to, the film makers certainly had some fun making Half-Blood Prince in particular. Importantly (to me, at least), Half-Blood Prince was the apex of humor and story balance in the film series. Despite the obvious darkness of the plot looming in the near future, I'd like to go on record and say Half-Blood Prince is the funniest film of the bunch, barely edging out Order of the Phoenix. Harry and Ron finally come into their own as the lovable goofballs they always were (more so Ron, of course). In 153 minutes, we get to see them play and joke around with love potions and felix felicis, get into potion class shenanigans, run quidditch tryouts, and even start to fall in love a bit. If the trio as a whole started to come into their own as actors during Azkaban, they shine and hit their stride in Half-Blood Prince--much like high school kids their senior year who have finally reached the top but haven't quite contracted full-blown senioritis yet.

In addition, we also finally get a full dose of cute/awkward Ginny & Harry dynamics ("Close your eyes while I go hide this book from you, naughty Harry...aaaaand while I kiss youuuuuuu..." -Ginny, probably). We also get front row seats to more than one awkward, jealous love triangle that almost makes this feel like a real high school drama comedy, for better or for worse. In one of the most beautiful and touching scenes of the series, we get a perfect, picturesque “sea of wands” send off for Dumbledore in what is probably the aesthetic highlight of the film--but not until after he does a bit of badass fire tornado magic to (re)kill hundreds of water zombies--oops, I mean inferi--as he saves Harry's life one last time.



It's also worth noting that although every book tends to follow the same mystery plot pattern (tease new important info, school year passes and things intensify, Harry tries to figure everything out, Harry is wrong and screws things up, some sort of deus ex machina because Harry isn't actually that good of a wizard and he needs adults/outside influence to save the day), Half-Blood Prince probably ranks as the series' most competent stand-alone mystery film. By the end, the directors pulled off a myriad of mystery plots: what’s in the Riddle/Slughorn memories? Is Draco really a death eater? Why is half the school dying in freak accidents? What does Ron see in Lavender Brown besides boobs?...the list goes on.

Overall, Half-Blood Prince ranks well against it's the other entries in the series, largely with competent storytelling and spot-on humor. Though it doesn't excel at much else, this still makes it, in my book, one of the better Potter films.


3. Harry Potter 7.2 - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2 (2011)


...if you can reach his face...maybe you could... hit him with a killing curse…???

Finally, the payoff. Of course the entire series has been building to this film. But just as importantly for the overall viewed success of the series, this movie also simply needed to be worth our time after we just sat through a two hour borefest for the first part of the dual film finale.

In short, the much anticipated emotional payoff and epic final battle in this film are so great, but as a whole, the movie is a bit of a mixed bag. At times, they give us awesome scenes like the gang escaping from feindfyre on broomsticks, made meaningful with life or death Harry/Draco interactions that help define the moral character of our protagonist. Other times, they gave us random bits of metagaming dialogue that make no sense in the context of the film that serve only to advance the plot quickly and conveniently (Ron: “Uhhh maybe Harry went to the room of requirement? Doesn’t it not show up on the map? Yeah, that’s conveniently a detail you mentioned sometime in the last film, Hermione, if I remember correctly? Let’s go! Oh, nice, he’s here! The story can go on without us having to spend precious screen time looking for him!”). What, they didn’t they have time or foresight during their 276 minutes spread over two movies to make the plot flow without poor dialogue?  We really need to have Ron Weasley somehow speak parseltongue to open a door, making the excuse that he knows how because "Uhhh Harry talks in his sleep sometimes???" Especially when, "Hey, remember how we forgot to close this chamber door in movie number 2? Nice" was right in front of them.

Even the final battle gives stunning visuals in a gorgeous tour of the smoldering castle of Hogwarts, while simultaneously not making an sense as a final battle (why are they teleporting around the castle just grabbing at each other???). And all this is to say nothing of the incredible Voldemort hugging Draco scene, which I consider to be the high point both of this movie and probably the series as a whole.

Other than that, we get beautiful closure on Snape’s character, Harry dies (oops, spoiler) and gets a thought provoking afterlife scene, Hagrid fittingly carries Harry’s body to safety one more time, and Neville finally gets his moment in the sun where we finally get to see the head fly off that ghastly snake. So many good things happen; there are so many epic, beautiful, and meaningful scenes in this movie.

AND THEN TO END IT, HARRY SNAPS THE ELDER WAND IN HALF AND THROWS IT OFF A BRIDGE. LIKE THEY REALLY JUST ENDED AN 8-MOVIE SERIES ABOUT A WIZARD BY MAKING SURE HE DOESN’T HAVE A FUNCTIONAL WAND OF HIS OWN ANYMORE BECAUSE THE WRITERS FORGOT TO TAKE 2 SECONDS TO HAVE HIM REPAIR HIS OLD WAND FIRST LIKE AN IRRESPONSIBLE TWIT.

Yeah, there’s definitely a few things to dislike about this movie, and we didn’t even touch on the 19 years later scene. But when you get to the end of the series and experience this movie as the epic it is, you can’t help but mostly enjoy it throughout and even sit with a slight smile on your face as the movie ends as you start to take in what all just happened as the final credits roll.


2. Harry Potter 5 - Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)


It’s almost like...Voldemort maybe...COULD have actually just walked into the Ministry and grabbed it? Since he ended up basically just doing that anyways?

First and foremost, I won't forgive this movie for the distress it caused me over how much I hated Umbridge. Obviously that means they (actress, and also crew) did a stellar job creating a perfectly hateable villain. But what a stone-hearted, smug little bitch. It's really the smugness that gets me--it puts her on a tier of her own as far as who I consider to be the worst villains of all time. So props to the film. But at the same time, I'm still annoyed at this current moment of writing that I ever had to see her damn face or hear her disturbing voice.

Moving past that, there's so much good here in Order of the Phoenix. They finally found a good humor balance--the best in the series up to this point (and I tend to probably overvalue good humor). The Dumbledore's Army v. Filch and friends montage is one of the best and most fun scenes in the entire series, and the final (and only, actually?) Dumbledore  v. Voldemort wizard duel is top notch with stunning and creative visuals. Fred and George, two of my favorite characters, reach the peak of their character arc and also get a great sendoff from Hogwarts. Anything that defies Umbridge at all in this film makes me feel more at peace with the world, which makes their mid-exam firework show a moment of excellence.

On the other hand, there were some problems--especially with the pacing. The Department of Mysteries scene, as the climax of the movie, was messy and felt rushed. And this is to say nothing of the disappointingly short Sirius Black death scene. To be fair, there's something to be said for his sudden, unforgiving, and untimely death that leaves us without a proper sendoff and without a chance to say goodbye. Such is death, quite often. But what a sad, sudden, and dissatisfying goodbye to a great character who got snubbed out of a lot of his depth and meaning in the films.

Perhaps what bugs me most about Order of the Phoenix, though, is how often mortal enemies seem to be pointing their wands at each other at point blank and are not casting spells. Sure, there's time for negotiations when your opponent holds a breakable glass ball that you need to get from him without killing him. But even when push comes to shove and the fighting breaks out, they do a whole lot of wand pointing and not very much spell casting.

All things considered, though, Order of the Phoenix does a phenomenal job of doing the one thing movies are meant to do: entertain. It’s perhaps the most fun, well-rounded movie of the bunch and it avoids a lot of the common pitfalls of the other movies (following books too closely, awkward Harry/Ginny chemistry, awkward/out of character scenes). With an excellent villain and a fan-favorite Dumbledore’s Army plot, film number 5 is up there with the best.


1. Harry Potter 4 - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)


Yes, they actually made Viktor Krum stand in the lake for this shot.

I’m not really going to go into detail about why this is CLEARLY the best Harry Potter film or how it’s a perfect film--because I don’t consider it to necessarily be either of those things. More than anything, I think Goblet of Fire is just a little bit better than all the other films. Why? In a word, I'd say it comes down to worldbuilding. 

Goblet of Fire is not infallible, which means it's in good company with all the rest of the films in the franchise. But more specifically, I'll never forgive them for skipping the damn quidditch world cup (maybe fair for sake of time, but this was so, so disappointing). The pacing can also be a bit sporadic, but I suppose that's expected when you're fitting over 700 pages of material into a two hour film. But probably my biggest gripe with the film is it's climax--the graveyard scene was too short and felt incredibly rushed.

I know they had a ton to pack into this movie, but the resurrection of the Dark Lord is the turning point in the series and should have been a bigger focus of the movie. The graveyard scene is our introduction to our fully realized series antagonist who just unexpectedly came back from the dead and is about to fracture the wizarding world into good and evil. Voldemort could have been so much more terrifying had he been given more time to monologue or the chance to really show off his magical prowess. Sure, he does some talking and does a bit of interesting magic. But really, his lone scene in the film has him prancing around the graveyard in his newly resurrected body while riddling off his lines as quickly as possible, usually with no response from anyone. His character seriously feels like he was written to try and fit as many lines as possible into his seven or so minutes of screen time. But we do have to appreciate, however and if nothing else, the majestic “I can touch you now” line as he finally gets to *touch Harry Potter* again. What a cute moment for the two newly reunited mortal enemies.


Image result for i can touch you harry potter gif

Although I strongly believe the fourth book is the best of the bunch, and I do think that the superior source material helped create a better movie, I'd still say the movie wasn't destined to be great. With so many pages and a long, complicated plot to draw from (not to mention dozens of new important characters), the writers had to navigate around so many key story elements that the story arc was inevitably a little bit jumpy; the world cup, THREE different triwizard challenges, the Yule Ball, and the resurrection of Voldemort (let alone everything in between to tie it all together and important setup for future films) are all worth extensive screen time. Add in transitions, character development, dialogue, and details and you're gonna need a densely written, efficient script. But because Goblet of Fire took on so much, it really opened the door for building the magical world of Harry Potter in ways we hadn't seen in any of the previous movies. In the fourth movie, we get backstory on other wizarding worlds and schools in other countries. We get to see fully grown dragons. We get portkeys, Priori Incantatem, dark marks, death eaters, Voldemort’s army, the goblet of fire and tournament itself, merpeople and grindylows in the black lake, an introduction to pensives, unforgivable curses, and aurors for the first time. We even get our first important character death.

The fictional world of magic really shines in Harry Potter 4; our worldview of the Potterverse expands from just kids at wizarding school in movies 1-3 to a global perspective of soon-to-be worldwide magical war. All the on-screen magic revelations we receive alongside an awesome triwizard tournament plotline is what makes Goblet of Fire the most magical film of the franchise.

Incredible world building aside, there’s also a lot of fun moments and definitely some questionable moments in the film. Chief among the latter, I’d say, is Dumbledore’s heavily scrutinized, out-of-character line: "HARRY DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIYAH?!"


Like mose, I take major issue with Dumbledore’s character being physically aggressive towards a student (his favorite one, no less), just as I take issue with the out-of-character Fred and George fighting after getting tossed out of the age ring as they grow simultaneous old man beards. But Goblet of Fire also graces us with one of my favorite scenes in the entire series: a lovely, snowy, beautifully crafted Yule Ball complete with international students awkwardly asking each other to the ball, wonderful waltzing complete with dance practices, and dazzling Christmas magic--including some of the best musical arrangements of the entire series. Simply enchanting.

Like all the other Harry Potter movies, I have some good things and some bad things to say about Goblet of Fire as a whole. It's easy to dislike the movie because it didn't live up to the potential of what's almost certainly the best book and the story can feel a little bit awkward and clunky. But pound for pound, Goblet of Fire is packed with more magic and fun than any other Harry Potter film. If you don't buy into the high opinion I have of the fourth movie, I recommend you go back and re-watch the series without preconceived ideas from the books of what the movie should be like. In the broad context of the movie series as a whole and with the hindsight of what the franchise has grown into, Goblet of Fire defines the Harry Potter universe in a way none of the other movies do.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Thursday, March 1, 2018

The Doer

The dreamer doesn’t do the work.
The dreamer is just an idealist.
The dreamer dreams a dream
And just fantasizes.

The doer doesn't think the thought.
The doer is just the worker.
The doer is told the idea
And just exercises.

The Maker does more than work.
The Maker doesn’t merely ponder.
The Maker also dreams a dream
But truly actualizes.

What I've Been Listening To

I have goals to be writing at least weekly, but a lot of what I've been writing lately hasn't been for this blog. I've been writing a lot of essays and letters. I've also started two new jobs, so I don't have all that much time to write in excess of my weekly goal. But with all the commuting I've been doing, I've been discovering new music to listen to on the drive. It's all over the place, ranging from indie to oldies to Christian ska, 1950's to 2000's to everything in between. Here's what I've found lately and what I've been listening to (some of them are explicit).



"Things I Don't Remember" - Ugly Casanova



Ugly Casanova, apparently, is a folklore re-branding of Modest Mouse. They generally come across as more experimental and less polished, and don't check all the classic boxes of unique sound Modest Mouse does. Although a lot of their stuff on this album doesn't immediately pop, "Things I Don't Remember" definitely does. My cousin showed me this song while we sat lazily and distracted while playing Rocket League, and this song still caught my attention. Give it a listen--it's a little rough around the edges and, much like Modest Mouse, they're somewhat of an acquired taste. It's tough to make much sense of the lyrics, yet they still fit the theme of what things (presumably) Isaac Brock doesn't remember. If you don't like it at first, give it another listen or two--you'll probably find it addicting. Also, I don't really recommend the video.



"3rd Planet" - Modest Mouse



In the same vein as "Things I Don't Remember," Modest Mouse's Moon & Antarctica album opener isn't easy listening and the lyrics are perplexing. Contrasting with popular music of the day, or even with acclaimed rock music about sex and drugs, Modest Mouse raises some interesting commentary and thoughts about life, religion, the universe, and God. Although I don't know exactly (even after research) what the exact shape of the universe seems to be, this doesn't distract from the point. The lyrics are insightful and "3rd Planet" is quintessential Modest Mouse in what is likely their quintessential album.



"Roses" - Outkast



Although Outkast has no shortage of acclamation, I'm personally hit and miss as to how much I enjoy their albums as a whole. But if there's one thing they're good at, it's putting out excellent singles. Like most other songs on this playlist, this song isn't new. But lately I've found the infectious call and response and the catchy hook so vibing. (The song starts at 1:00)



"Old Friend" - O.C. Supertones



I listened to these guys a lot on my mission--they're one of very few christian ska bands. And they're actually pretty good! The lyrics are somewhat religious, but regardless of belief, I think this song is incredibly humble, kind, and thoughtful.



"Everyday" - Buddy Holly



If you went back in time to the 1950's and walked into a random soda shop, this is the song that ought to be playing on the jukebox. Buddy Holly wrote all his lyrics to be almost exclusively about prospects of love, which is classic for that era. This song is a great representation of that and despite it being an old recording, it still holds up pretty well as a song legitimately worth listening to even now--let alone the impressive historical context in which he wrote it. Even if you've never heard it before, it has such a charming quality that you'll feel like you have anyways.



"Satan is my Motor" - Cake



This is the song that made me think that maybe Cake is worth listening to, besides their ever-popular "Short Skirt/Long Jacket" and their classic cover of "I Will Survive." I really like the metaphor that serves as the basis of the song. Cake also shows off their uncanny ability to write simple masterpieces.



"The Mighty Quinn" - Manfred Mann



I tutor a high school kid named Quinn and he's a legitimate joy to teach. He's quiet, yet hilarious, cynical, yet clever. He told me he was named after this song, so I looked it up--and by all accounts, it seems to be about a cocaine dealer coming to town. That might not be true and whether it is true isn't particularly important, but I find it incredibly fitting either way. It's also worth noting that Bob Dylan wrote it and Manfred Mann perfected it.



"Far behind" - The Hippos



Fade in
EXT. OUTSIDE SCHOOL--DAY

A kid rides by on a skateboard. The camera pans to the front of the school and suddenly the screen fills with students walking, running, riding by on bikes, etc. Music starts to play. Our lovable protagonist walks on screen and even though things haven't exactly been going his way, he's still keeping on. He walks through the front door and into the hallway where students are throwing balled up paper and running through the halls. Two students in the hallway are defacing a sign to instead say "Our biggest mistake was letting The Hippos go extinct."

What song started to play earlier? Pretty much any song on the album "Heads Are Gonna Roll" by The Hippos, but it's most likely "Far Behind." Give it a listen; you'll see.

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Art Neilson

He taught two subjects: Art, and Neilson―
Known better as the facts of life.
If he forgot your name, his became Old Snotnose.
But he never did, so he called me by my last name
And I called him Art Neilson.

He stood straight as a gravestone.
Built like an ox, he was a gentle giant.
Class with Art was like being afraid
To step in the ring with your grandpa
Because you know you’d lose.

After class, I’d brag to my friends,
And anyone else who would listen,
That I’d learned from the best today;
That today I learned the Art of Neilson
In my ninth grade Biology Class.

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Conditioned to Feel Stress


As a recent graduate of only a few weeks, the residual effects being conditioned to feel stressed from academic life has yet to wear off. It could have something to do with how I personally approach university life, but I'd guess after 4 or so years at university most people grow accustomed to feeling stress associated with balancing classes, work, and everything else in a busy student’s life. By that, I don’t mean that I think most students learn to manage their stress in a healthy way; a lot of college students never learn to adequately manage the stress of college life before they stumble out of the four-ish year wilderness ass-backwards across the graduation finish line.

In my personal college experience, there was always a tough mathematical concept for me to learn just around the bend at any given moment--and to be honest, most of the stress came from my honestly not knowing if I’d be able to wrap my head around the upcoming complex concepts. A lot of my stress wasn’t in the actual studying or classwork, but the constant anticipation of the work to be and remembering in the back of my mind that after I finish whatever it is I happen to be enjoying at any given time that I’ll probably be up most of the night finishing some paper, proof, or project.

As a result, it’s reasonable to feel like, as a student, you’re being trained to not feel excited about life. If you’ve been repeatedly conditioned to not let yourself get excited about it being the weekend because of the impending upcoming Monday, or to not let yourself enjoy dinner with friends because it cuts into your homework time which will then cut into your sleep schedule--then you’re not alone. Being a student is hard. There’s always more you could be doing, more you could be studying instead of being out having fun. Your effort might even be good enough to get yourself an A, but it’s never enough to feel like you genuinely did everything you possibly could to succeed.

It seems to me like this is part of growing up. Being mature enough to realize there’s always some part of you that is unrealized potential, or coming to the realization that you don’t actually know what your optimal path in life is--that’s an important part of the human experience, as far as I can tell.

So that's where I’m at right now. After graduating, I’m at a crossroads of sorts. There’s about a million directions I could take my math degree and run. But as far as stress is concerned? I’m sure the next major catalyst is just around the corner, but I’m not worried. It’s a funny thing that one can feel stress in merely the anticipation of future stress, but hey. That’s life.

Thursday, January 4, 2018

Steps Stained Black

If you happened past the presidents circle steps
On the right November day,
You saw the left over candles
And the remainder of loving sentiment
Resting on the darkened steps.

To you, he may have only been a classmate
Or a kid whose math homework you graded--
A face in the crowd you never recognized whose soul you never spoke to.
For some, he was a tragedy that had us calling our loved ones
And staying up with the news 'til 4 AM only to see tomorrow rescheduled out of respect.

Not knowing his name before
Didn't prevent a tear shed
Any more than it did the pulling close of loved ones,
In fear they might not be there every future day,
In a solace so somber they weren't today's hallowed one.

To those who knew him, he was a friend--a best friend--and a virtuous man.
He was a son, an elder, and a saint.
A scholar in the making, a walking inspiration, a burning example of what a person should be.
But now, the flames are gone.

Though his legacy yet remains in memories
Like a fresh wound waiting to scar,
Here's to his vigil
Which left us with anything but just hardened wax, a half raised flag, and the marble steps stained black.

In memory of ChenWei Guo

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

The Challenge (this is not a new year's resolution)

One of the biggest challenges I've consistently faced in life since adolescence has a lot to do with my desire to do as much as possible before I die. I want to experience everything, I want to visit everywhere, I want to be good at everything, and so much more. I don't really know where it comes from, but I find immense fulfillment in diverse experience and I enjoy change. I guess it's who I am.

The problem with this desire to experience everything (other than the implicit impossibility) is the risk of growing into a personification of old adage "jack of all trades master of none." Maybe this isn't necessarily a problem--being a jack of all trades sounds pretty neat. But I'd rather be damned than grow to be 70 years old and look back on my life and think "wow, I really should have committed to something." Herein lies the challenge I expect to wrestle for quite a while. I don't expect this problem to go away or for my brain to just figure out a solution some day. I expect it to loom in the background as I continue to dance around it and experience life in my own way the best I can. I expect to keep trying to experience everything I can while I figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life at any given time.

Although this thought challenge of diverse vs refined experiences was something I've thought of from a young age, it expressed itself in a life-altering decision of picking a college major at age 17. If I had held an actual conversation with myself, it probably would have gone something like this:

Me: "Okay, what are your favorite subjects in school?"
Other me: "Well I love English. I definitely have a passion for books and I love to voice my thoughts by writing. But I also love studying history..."
Me: "Okay, that's a good start! So--"
Other me: "But man, the school newspaper class might be my favorite class. Also I really enjoy the 'aha!' moment of math class and tutoring is a lot of fun. And don't get my started on my physics classes! I feel like I'm finally understanding how the world around me works."
Me: "Okay, maybe let's look at what kinds of jobs you think you'd like. Was there anything you ever wanted to be when you grow up?"
Other me: "Well I always thought it'd be neat to be a teacher, but everyone tells me the pay is too low. Maybe an engineer? Or a writer? I'm great at listening and helping people solve problems and AP Psych was really cool, so maybe a counselor? I also love movies and music though and would love to be involved with making them. Plus I definitely don't want to rule out law school or med school though... Hmmm..."

I imagine an experience like mine isn't exactly unique. But eventually, four notable events led me down the path to getting a BS in Mathematics.

First, I scored nearly perfect on the math portion of the ACT. I'd always thought I was better than average at math, but this is when I realized it might actually be a God-given talent.

Second, I read Paul Lockhart's 25-page godsend "A Mathematician's Lament." I could write an essay on this essay (and I have) and how it impacted my life. I could go on about how misunderstood math is by most people and even many mathematicians and educators. This essay is how I came to the understanding that Mathematics is worth falling in love with.

Third, I started teaching. I quickly realized that I enjoyed teaching so much that I could do it for the rest of my life even with minimal pay (this is to say nothing of my dissatisfaction with and a desire to improve systematic math education).

Fourth, I had a revelation. See, just because you can score in the 99th percentile on algebra, geometry, and trigonometry on a bullshit standardized test doesn't mean you're cut out to get a degree in math and study it for the rest of your life. I was nervous. I knew it'd be difficult and I'd probably be out of my element in pursuing a degree in math. Call it inspiration, call it God, or whatever else you will. But in that moment of thinking "Hey, maybe getting a math degree would be too hard for me," I had a thought I'd never had before. The words in the form of halfway decent life advice popped into my brain: "Don't choose not to do it just because it's difficult."

So there you have it. Seven years, a few retaken classes, and a lot of C's later, here I am waiting for my $40,000 piece of paper come in the mail after finishing my last semester of studying mathematics.

So what am I getting at? Well firstly, now that I'm done earning a piece of paper that says I know what math is, I'm done expending the necessary intense mental focus and experiencing the profound anxiety necessary to finish a math degree. But I also now have time to pursue some of my other passions including, of course, writing. Hence the resurrection of this old blog. Secondly, I don't really open up to people very often. There's not a single person in my life that I've disclosed every single one of these personal facts to before. So here they are. I don't necessarily mean to be secretive with my life, but I do enjoy privacy--and I'm better at listening and thinking than I am at speaking. Maybe writing will help improve that balance.

But perhaps most importantly, I've experienced a decent amount of life these past few years. It occurred to me that there might be people out there who have had similar experiences to mine--whether it's their thoughts on life, the college experience, or searching for passion in life. As someone who thinks about life, the universe, and everything quite often, I thought I'd open up my thoughts to the people I know if they're actually interested enough to read them. This post itself isn't particularly profound and it isn't supposed to be. But stay tuned if, for some reason, you're interested in me as a person, looking for more reminiscence of my life, wondering what the inside of my brain is like, and if you want to hear my thoughts on pretty much anything besides religion and politics.
Me: You know, I think it's about time we re-evaluated our goals for what we want to achieve in life.
Other me: Yeah, probably true. You know, I think I'm developing a passion for nutrition and exercise. Any ideas on how we should go about studying that?