(Rambling) On Compliments

The Duality of Compliments

Compliments are a bit of a social paradox. In some conversations, they’re thrown out carelessly and superficially to really say things like  “I want you to like me a bit more” or “I want something from you” or “I picked something you’re wearing and said it looks nice, so please compliment me back as a pleasantry.” This bothers me. But on the other hand, a good, creative, sincere compliment can change someone’s day and can be remembered years later. I think it all comes down to sincerity.

I’ve collected a few compliments that I’ve remembered years later. One time, an older stranger came up to me in an arcade right after I won the jackpot on a simple ball drop game and told me, “You know, I think you’re the coolest guy in here.” While I don’t believe it was true, I do believe that he believed what he said. The way he told it, he had been watching me from afar as he stood in line to get in. He saw my Aquabats snapback and my ITYSL t-shirt (I think my aesthetic and taste in pop culture were not unlike his own). He watched as I walked up to the game and beat it on my first try and he thought it was just a cool moment. Honestly, I didn’t know what to say back. I was caught off guard and a little bit dumbstruck, so I just said thanks. He didn’t want anything from me and I didn’t talk to him or see him ever again. If he had just said something more superficial or simple or something just based on the way I was dressed (like “I like your hat”), I wouldn’t have remembered it at this time of writing. At this point, I’d assume he wouldn’t even remember the interaction. But I think his sincerity etched the moment into my mind.

On a related note, I think praising someone’s physical appearance is the bottom of the compliment barrel. It can still be nice and sincere, but it’s often more of an icebreaker than anything. To me, it feels like a cheap exchange when I see someone walk up and say “Hey, I like your shoes,” and then the receiver looks back and says, “Oh thanks, I like your (first item of clothing I noticed).” In many situations, it’s normal to compliment someone’s appearance just to be nice and not because you mean it. And honestly, I think fake compliments and interactions like this cheapen genuine compliments and people would be better off without them.

The Oversaturated Market of Compliments

This is just my experience, but It seems odd to me how normal it is for women to compliment each other while men complimenting men is much more rare. This is something men could definitely do better at. And since it also seems much more common for men to compliment women than vice versa, it seems like there is a huge gender divide in the distribution of compliments. To a woman, a compliment might not mean much due to the oversaturated market of people saying nice things to them. On the other hand, to a man, it might mean a whole lot. I suppose that’s just the nature of it. But I guess that’s a life pro tip: if you want a man to feel good about himself, give him a nice compliment because it’s probably been a while.

As for me personally, I have a policy when it comes to compliments. Firstly, I’ll never say something nice to someone if it isn’t true. I believe this gives my positive words more meaning. It means you can believe what I say, or at the very least, you can believe that I believe what I say. I also never give a compliment when I want something from someone. The only time I give them is when an observation pops into my head that I think is worth sharing.

So yes, I don't dole out compliments like candy, even though I wish people would offer genuine compliments more often. I suppose I don't believe in forcing them. It’s rarity and sincerity that give compliments meaning. Or, at least, I hope they do. Nobody bothers to come up with unique compliments unless they really mean them. The easier it is to come up with, the less it means.

On Receiving Compliments

I myself am bad at accepting compliments. I’ve come to realize that the best thing to do is to just say thanks and move on. Reflexively and in the moment, I often try to think of a way to deflect a compliment, or I try to hurry and think of something nice to say back. But I think that feels disingenuous. To me, answering a compliment with a compliment says “Oh, right, I don’t want you to get the upper hand of being the nice one in this conversation.” As a result, even if I have something nice to say in return, I try to just say thanks instead. If I have something nice to say pop into my head as a response, I often hold onto it for later so as not to cheapen it by merely returning the volley.

I guess what I’m saying is, when someone offers you a legitimate compliment, I don't think you should be in a habit trying to think of something nice to shoot back at them. Besides, good compliment aren't easily deflected because they're not only true, but they resonate with the receiver.

So no, I don’t think the world is short on compliments. I think what we’re lacking is sincerity, creativity, and a goal of truthful kindness. That’s a change I wouldn’t mind seeing in the world.

Hot takes 2024

1. Taylor Swift is the most overrated artist of our generation and it’s not even close

I’m not going to argue with anyone about this. You either agree with me or you don’t. I’m not even a Taylor hater—I think Fearless is an all-time great album. But c’mon. It's gotten ridiculous. She’s just another pop artist, maybe slightly worse. Her songs are sometimes genuine, often commercial, and certainly out of touch, littered with delusional and narcissistic ideas.

2. The most pure form of baseball is little league baseball

Although I do like to watch the Little League World Series each August, that's actually not what I'm talking about. Baseball in its purest form can be found anywhere in America at the park down the street from your house. Don't get me wrong, the professional baseball stadium atmosphere can be hella fun. But nothing beats the aesthetic of kids playing the game with shitty secondhand equipment on a rocky, overgrown field without trainers, salaries, rest days, and $10 hot dogs. Just pure kids playing pure sport.

3. Hot dogs look much, much better than they taste (and they don't taste bad)

Honestly, hot dogs might be one of the best aesthetic foods of all time. Loaded up with condiments, they look incredible. But frankly, the taste to aesthetic ratio is a tad bit embarrassing.

4. Ghostbusters is a bad franchise and its only redeeming quality is the theme song

The original movie is not a good film. The sequels didn't need to be made. The all women reboot was a lateral move at best. The idea for the franchise isn't inherently bad and there's some iconic scenes in the original films. But the dialogue is poorly written and the characters are even worse. They don't hold up well. To their credit, I unwillingly saw Ghostbusters: Afterlife one Halloween and it was by far the best of the franchise (it was just okay, and naturally they butchered its sequel). In short, even if the reviews are good, I won't be going to see any new Ghostbusters movies ever.

5. Alternate/parallel dimension movies need to die in a fire

Don't get me wrong, there have been good parallel dimension movies and episodes of TV. But after Marvel got ahold of the idea and it became the plot of all their movies for a few decades, it's officially overplayed. I'd be okay if I never saw a parallel universe movie ever again.

6. All the Spider-Man movies are good, but it's unacceptable that we've had four reboots since 2000

The hot take here, I suppose, is that I like every iteration (Toby, Andrew, Tom, and the first animated film before I got burned out on the multiverse). But we’ve been averaging a reboot ever 5 years or so. C’mon, man.

7. Studios need to stop rebooting and making sequels

I get it. They make movies that make money. But the lack of original ideas in Hollywood is a plague. The sooner we recognize they’re trying to make a quick buck by milking nostalgia and familiarity, the sooner we’ll get better big-budget movies. Also, I think a reboot absolutely can and will absolutely damage an original film/show by association retroactively. For example, Star Wars 7-9 devalue the original trilogy and especially Luke Skywalker as a character. Sequels do not exist in a vacuum and we should stop giving them leeway.

8. Movies made about existing products are a scam and you shouldn’t go see them

Air. Blackberry. Barbie. Ford vs Ferrari. You're paying money to watch a 2 hour advertisement. I’ve fallen victim to this in the past and I won’t anymore. It's just an objectively weird Hollywood trend.

9. There's too many bad things about Los Angeles that make it an overall a bad place to live

There's a lot of awesome things about LA, but the good does not outweigh the bad. It's a great place to visit and stay on your friend's couch for free while visiting, but that's where I draw the line.

10. I don't care that Kobe died

I’m sorry, John Luna. He was just a really good basketball player and not a great person/role model. Nobody deserves to die prematurely, but his death didn't have any impact on my life. He wouldn't have cared about my death—why should I care about his?

11. Public vandalism is valid art and vandals should aspire to be artists

Street art gets a bad rep because so many street artists are bad at what they do. They’ll throw up a stupid looking tag on someone’s private property and make the world look more trashy than it did before. If you're going to paint something that is visible to the public, you have a responsibility to make it worth looking at. I know that’s a big ask for neighborhood hoodlums, but imagine if the world was covered in creative art everywhere there's currently graffiti.

12. Friends and Frasier are bad TV shows and aren't worth the time

That's all. That's the whole opinion.

13. Nobody should aspire to be rich

People should only work as much as is necessary to be comfortable and give the rest away. Wealth is not just bad. It is evil. Nobody should own large houses or yachts while other people in the world starve or live in filth. The fact that billionaires exist in the same world as people dying of starvation is embarrassing for the human race. I would legitimately be embarrassed to be a billionaire.

14. You don't have to love or even like your job

Unless your job is your whole life (which it probably shouldn't be, imo), it's okay to work a mediocre job you don't have any passion for and instead find happiness in what you pursue in your free time. It's maybe not ideal, but it's an okay way to live.

15. People shouldn't own very many things

The average person owns a lot more things than they need. I think many people might be a little happier if they spent less money and owned less things.

16. Saving money is easy

Just don't buy things you don’t need. 

(Note: This is not a statement about lower class people stuck in the very real cycle of poverty, but rather is more a statement towards people living comfortably who can't find it in themselves to ever save their money).

17. I can simultaneously believe that America is a great country (despite its problems) and still acknowledge blind patriotism is a plague

People will often try to make you feel guilty about being patriotic because there’s injustice somewhere. I can still be patriotic while fighting for change and acknowledging the problems in our society. If you love America and can't acknowledge America's systemic issues, then I hope you believe in love at first sight and love doing what you're told because that's all your patriotism is.

18. Every human should be a lifelong learner, but college is a waste of time and money for many people

The most value you can get out of college is being able to say you went to college. College only continues to exist in the form it does because a) there's a myth that college is what makes you smart and valuable to society and b) college is a gathering ground for late teens to be irresponsible together and spread their wings, and nobody wants to be left out by not going. Getting educated is a great thing for society and makes sense. But getting training for a specific job also makes a whole lot of sense, unlike the college system as a whole.

19. It doesn't make sense to have a strong social media presence if you're happy with your real life

That's all. That's the whole opinion again.

20. I don’t say “bless you” after someone sneezes

I don't believe in it. I'd be more than fine if people stopped doing it. I'm all for things that try to brighten the days and lives of others, but to me it feels hollow like a fake compliment. I'll never get upset at someone for saying it, but the world would be just as well without it.

21. Auto-Tune has zero place in music

None. It has never been used to make something better.

22. Marketing and advertising are bullshit fields that prey on humans via their psychology

Nobody should be able to advertise to me without my consent (which I would never freely give) and the fact that I basically can't exist in the world (or in society, at least) without constantly having products and ads shoved down my throat is really messed up.

23. No game shows should exist besides Jeopardy

Maybe easier and harder versions of Jeopardy, but that's it. Trivia shows with low questions per minute are a weird waste of time.

24. Sufjan Stevens is not a good artist, or at the very least, not a good singer

If I wanted to listen to someone whisper-sing like he does, I'd search for grandmas with laryngitis on YouTube.

25. Artists should be able to use any music, movies, shows, clips—anything, really—to create

Artists should be allowed to, without permission or restriction, take the way they experience the world and use it to create a new statement or viewpoint. YouTube taking down videos with copyrighted music is bullshit, as is Spotify not allowing artists to put up music that has unauthorized samples. I get that they do this for legal reasons, but the laws should be changed. I do still think, however, if you use other people's materials for monetary gain, they should be compensated. But once you put something out into the world, you don't get to decide how people respond to it or use it. Life is a sandbox, and one that ought to be played in at that.

26. Beyoncé is overrated as hell

She's a very good vocalist with a lot of bad (though occasionally catchy) songs. I get that she's a black female icon and that's important. But that doesn't make her music above criticism. For the most part, it’s just generic pop music. I'd have the next take be "pop music sucks" but I don't think that's a hot one.

27. People should just quit their jobs to take time off and travel more. 

Everyone should do it multiple times in their lives, if possible. It should be accepted by society that this is just something that people need to do.

28. In spite of all these opinions, you should do and enjoy what makes you happy

Every hobby, interest, and artist has haters and you shouldn't let those haters stop you from liking what you like. Still, you should be conscious of why you like what you like and what effect your taste has on you and the world around you.


 

Well, congrats, if you made it through this list. If you agreed with all 28 of these, then... You're probably me.